God’s Hoover - a parody

And on the seventh day god sucked up the dust;

The leftovers from his six days of hard labour;

The slurry, from the sun, the earth, the stars;

Sucked up the dust into his human sculptured Hoover;

And created Man;

Then god made Man pure, for the dust was not contaminated;

Man the animal, the instinctual, the conqueror;

The ruler over the fish in the sea and the birds in the air;

And over every living creature that moved on the ground;

And god thought, Man must not have wisdom;

For with wisdom man might want to be god;

So god breathed life in through the nostrils of Man;

And god breathed into Man the belief of his existence;

11pm on the seventh day and god felt pretty chuffed;

And tired, for Man was his most difficult creation;

And god nevertheless saw all that he had made and it was very good;

The Man awoke, with an unfortunate erection;

And god spoke thus “I am who is, who was and who is to come”;

And Man replied, aware of his sexuality;

“Will it just be me, all alone on this earth?”;

“Will I be as I am now, as I was and as I will be?”;

And god frowning replied,” You are but dust and to dust you shall return”;

Sighing, “Nevertheless you shall be preserved, for you are in my image”;

Smirking, “Except for a couple of bits. Give me a bone from your ribs”;

“I shall create Woman”;

And god had just a half an hour left;

And in a great rush he created Woman from Man’s rib;

god molding her in such a way for Man to desire Her;

To bear his offspring;

god then breathed life into his great work of sublime art;

And quickly after introducing Man to Woman, god disappeared;

Then Man said to Woman “I am with god and god is with me always”;

And Woman asked quizzically “And who is this god to me?”;

And soon began the world’s first argument as they walked naked into nature’s first sunset before finding a secret garden named Eden in which began the world’s first lovemaking.