Fingers of God

A conversation like this about certain happenings puts the central protagonist on the level with ambulant jugglers; on the basis that the descriptions offered are even more marvellous.  And I, the narrator, will take the role of Terry in conversation with himself.

A big hello to me, Terry Steppenwolf, from he who talks to himself because he has experiences about which he’d like to tell himself, because there is no-one else to talk to in this place.

Hello Terry.

Hello you, my number one listener, my best friend in my unconscious, who has come up this evening to listen to me.

And I’ll be certainly pleased to hear about the miracles. (The other listeners cry in unison; Miracles! Oh goody!) And since I am your best listener, I want to know all about them. And lately you were telling me in the kitchen while you were making us tea and biscuits about two strangers, Men in Black, church men (very interesting, says a minor listener) who I reckon came to your door one day to ask you about the miracles.

Yes they did.

And they said you must keep quiet about them.

Yes they did.

And they threatened you.

Yes they did.

And you told them what you knew about the miracles.

Yes I did.

Now that we’re sitting down on the lounge relaxing, you can be yourself.

Yes it’s been a long week and I’m tired of all this hoo-ha. All I want is to be left alone. It seems every time I’ve been somewhere in the last few weeks there’s been a miracle.

This is quite remarkable for someone who works as a casual assistant in a supermarket.

I suppose it is. I guess I’ve got a talent for something.

You do. And have you ever wondered why these miracles occur? And why you?

I have no idea.

And you haven’t told anybody about them.

Not until the two Men in Black came to see me. And I can’t figure out how they knew because I swear, I haven’t spoken of them.

I imagine this is why you’re here Terry, to clear your mind and to make sense of it all.

Oh by the way, before they left my house they turned themselves into wolfhounds.

Oh really; how did they do that?

After I told them everything and after they said I was the one, they got on their hands and knees right here where we’re sitting and they started twisting their backs from side to side and they got faster and faster until I saw two wolfhounds instead of two men. Then they strolled to my front door and I let them out.

Bizarre! Now tell me about the miracles Terry.

There have been a lot of them lately. And I don’t think I can remember them all.

It doesn’t matter. Just describe the ones as they come from your beyond.

OK I’ll close my eyes and I’ll let the revelations begin. In trance, in trance as must be my mission, they are coming to me now. And they are in no particular order.

An elderly woman came toward me in the street and suddenly she stopped in front of me. She was staring at me and then she opened wide her mouth. I was aghast. She had no tongue. But no sooner had she done this someone knocked her to the ground. She fell flat on her face. I helped her up and she was moaning. I saw that her face was bleeding and I called for an ambulance and waited with her until they came. They arrived soon after and as she was being helped into the vehicles, she turned toward me and thanked me.

A frustrated man kept fumbling cans and packets and dropping them on the supermarket floor. No-one was helping him pick the stuff up. He was on the floor trying to get them into his shopping basket. Strange that he was using his forearms and elbows. Then I saw he had no hands. I went over to him to help. We were both struggling to get it all in and I kept bumping his stumps. When it was all over, we got up and then he smiled at me. He bowed down low swaying both his arms like they were two elephant’s trunks. Then he clasped my hands with his and shook them and went to the checkout.

A man lay dead on the road. How did I know? I just saw him get run down by a bus. People were shouting and screaming. The man was underneath the front of the bus. I could just see his head. It was covered in blood. The bus rolled backwards and he lay motionless on his back. People went over to him. He looked a mess. Someone took off their coat and laid it over the man’s upper body. Someone else said he was dead. I shouted out “No”. A few seconds later the man began to move. He was moaning very loudly. People began to scream. I couldn’t stand the noise and I left.

I saw a young girl walking with her mother. She was in callipers and was walking really awkwardly. I could see that her mother was struggling with trying to help her. I don’t know what got into me but I dropped the bag I was carrying and ran at the girl and gang tackled her. She and I were sprawled together on the pavement. Her mother was dumbfounded at first and then she started screaming at me and she was crying too. Her face was filled with rage. I got up off the girl and I ran away forgetting I had a bag with me. A couple of days later I heard on my local radio that a crippled girl began walking normally soon after a collision with a stranger.

I had a silly argument with a work colleague. It was over which side the pea cans with the newest dates should be stacked; from the left or right of the shelf’s partitions. I said left. She said the opposite. There was no-one around. The boss was in his office. The person I was arguing with suffers from epilepsy and I was scared she was going to have a fit. I’m not a violent person but as the argument was getting out of control, I suddenly slapped her hard across her face. The argument stopped. I was right about which was the correct side. She left and never came back. Her boyfriend, a work mate of mine, tells me every time he sees me that she still hates my guts. But I’ve heard through the gossip line that she hasn’t had a fit since the time I slapped her.

Did you tell the Men in Black that you were the miracles?

No because it wasn’t me. I seemed to be there when they happened but it wasn’t me. But you talk of them in the first person.

There is no other way to describe them.

And are these the one’s you told the Men in Black?

A couple of them but not the dead man one.

An old man was walking behind me loudly muttering to himself and making strange animal noises like a rabid dog. People near me avoided this man and some even crossed the street. I turned around to look at him more closely. He resembled someone I once knew. I began to walk beside the man trying to remember this person’s name. All of a sudden, I blurted out ‘Thomas Eigermann’. The man stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me with a contorted face. Soon the facial distortions disappeared. The man looked younger, brighter, clear eyed and firmer mouthed. He straightened his back and rearranged his shabby clothes. He said it was the first time he’d heard his name since he was let out of the asylum. Then he turned around and headed back from whence he came. I shouted ‘where are you going’.  He said ‘Home, where I can begin my life again’.

At a swimming pool where I go and do laps, I saw a child in another lane slowly descend to the bottom of the pool. I knew something was wrong and went underwater to the child. To my surprise the child sprouted a fin from his back and his hands and feet also turned into fins. I saw gills protruding from his chest. He then shot up from the bottom and left the water like a marlin. I quickly got to the surface and saw the child surrounded by people and what looked like his parents. I did not see any fins or gills.

One day at a nearby family restaurant where I sometimes had lunch, I was finishing off my strawberry shake when I noticed a family of four, father, mother, daughter and son, had begun to choke on something. I assumed it might be chicken bones but it was so very odd to see a whole family choking at the same time. No-one around appeared to notice. They were doubling up and were losing their breath and their faces were turning a fireplace red. There was no time to lose. Suddenly a swarm of bees entered the restaurant. People were screaming and running out of the place. The bees surrounded the family and they were stinging them. Their faces soon swelled but I could see their open mouths. I went over to them and calmly took out what was choking them. As soon as the bees left the swelling subsided. There were a few red marks but that was all. I asked them if they were alright. They looked at me as if I was a weirdo, said nothing and went on eating.

I heard an explosion near where I work and ran outside to see what happened. A man had run out of the building next door totally engulfed in flames. He was screaming in agony. I happened to look toward the sky and I saw something small and grey rapidly descending toward the ground where the screaming man now lay. The grey object, which incidentally looked like a mini rain cloud, gushed powerful jets of water over the man moving over him like a hand-held shower does. The flames were extinguished and the cloud suddenly disappeared. I went over to the man with others and found him naked, his clothes burnt away, but his skin did not look like it had been burned. Someone came with some sort of overcoat and the man was gently lifted and taken inside.

I was walking past a building site when I noticed a woman standing beneath a tree. It was a very hot day and the sun’s rays were very strong. The tree’s foliage was quite thin and it wasn’t protecting her from the sun. I went to her and suggested she move to the next tree ten metres away which had more foliage. She looked at me very quizzically and I thought she was going to abuse me. But instead, she walked away from the tree to the next one. Then all of a sudden there was an almighty crash. I turned around and saw what looked like a steel girder flattening the tree the woman was just standing under.

My seven-year-old nephew kept nagging me to take him to a football match. I said what about your father and he said that his father was always too busy. What about your mother? Nah, she hates football. I took him to a game where he could see his favorite player. During the game my nephew said to me that he wished his favorite player would come up to him at the end of the game and give him a signed football like all the players do for the kids. As we were way up in the stands, I said that it was probably not going to happen. But at the end of the game when the footballers were giving out signed footballs to certain kids my nephew’s favorite player came up the stairs with a ball looking for someone. Then he saw my nephew, climbed over a few seats and gave my nephew the ball. He even knew my nephew’s name!

This one might seem a little strange. But one day in the city I heard that there was a burst sewer pipe and all the streets nearby were closed causing massive traffic chaos. Out of curiosity I left the chain store I was shopping in and went to see the problem. I saw the chaos and the mess. The smell was getting bad and I silently prayed that the smelly human waste would turn into sweetly fragrant chocolate. And sure enough the smell in the air suddenly changed and I saw liquid chocolate streaming down the street. The fragrance was intoxicating. It wafted through the streets the same way family restaurant cooking does. I even saw people trying to scoop up the chocolate. Fortunately, the police and fire brigade intervened. A job still had to be done.

A miracle stranger than magic, I’d say.

Yes. Another biscuit?

As I was walking one Sunday along a path which skirted a popular recreational fishing spot someone suddenly stopped me and asked me to help him get some fish for his family. He said he had been fishing all day and caught nothing. He told me to come with him in his boat. Without thinking I went out with him and then I told him to go where there were no other boats and drop his nets there. The man asked why since it was the wrong part of the lake for fish. I got a little impatient with the man and said just do it. The man dropped his net and soon it was full with fish. I helped him draw the net up and we went back to shore on his overladen boat.

I saw a woman in a park walking and picking something up every few steps. I caught up with her and began to watch her out of curiosity. I noticed something drop to the ground. It was her hand. She stooped to pick it up and then she reattached it. Then further along what dropped looked like her nose. And further fingers, and further an ear lobe. Each time she had to stoop and put them back. I caught up with her and asked what was wrong. She was about to say something but her lips fell to the ground. She picked them up and put them over her gums. I had a sudden urge to place my hand on her forehead. This I did and she stood motionless before me. Nothing happened. Nothing of her body fell from her. She began to walk tentatively, unsure if her problem would return or not. I walked with her and assured her that her problem is solved. She told me that although she is an unbeliever, I had saved her soul.

One night recently at a dance club I occasionally went to with a friend, I saw a violently drunk man kicking and punching at people and threatening them with a broken glass. I quickly went to him and shouted “Man, your father still loves you! Forgive him as you would forgive yourself. And as soon as you have vomited up all your bile at my command take up your leather jacket and go home.” I commanded him to vomit and as soon as he was done, he went and got his leather jacket and left.

A few months ago, a terrible storm was sweeping through the suburb where I live. I silently told it to be still and to disappear, which it did. The Men in Black do not know of this one.

But you say you do not perform these miracles yourself.

Yes.

But you told the storm to be still!

That I did, and coincidentally it was, but there are many times the storms I speak to do not!

Why did you not tell the Men in Black?

They wouldn’t have believed me.

I came in to work one morning and found the bakery staff in distress. The bread making equipment had broken down and as a result there would be no fresh bread that day. There were a couple of leftover wholemeal loaves lying around and I went over to them and picked them up. I looked at them for a few seconds and put them down. I went to work in the loading bay and I found out later that the wholemeal loaves had miraculously multiplied. They weren’t selling too well as most customers go for white bread, but at least a service disaster was being averted while they fixed the machines.

On the lake near where I live, I happened one morning to see a man drowning, his hands frantically waving for help. I walked out to get him and brought him back to dry land. It was no understatement to say that he was very grateful.

A beggar came to me desperate for money. I had some but decided to test his sincerity. I told him there was a gold coin in one of the piles of nearby dog excrement. He went through the pile and brought back the coin looking very pleased. I gave him another coin to match the one he found.

There was a strange young girl who said she held the sun in her left hand. When she opened her hand for people to see they laughed at her and she was sad. I knew this girl because she lived nearby. I went to see her but she didn’t trust me at first when I knocked on the door. I told her I believed her and after awhile she let me in. We sat down together and I said that whatever she believes she has received, it is happening for her. Whatever she asks for through prayer and she believes she has received it, then it is hers. She opened her left hand and I saw nothing. Her belief would of course be totally absurd to non believers but I shared her conviction because I told her I had faith in what she was saying. This miracle was the most personal and the most powerful. I am exhausted, I can remember no more.

When did the Men in Black come to your house?

Not long after the most recent miracle which was last week, but I can’t remember what it was.

Please tell me about the Men in Black.

Ah, the Men in Black. They came out of the blue like I said. It was last Saturday morning. I had just come back from the corner shop and coming near my home I saw two rather tall bald-headed men wearing black suits standing by my gate. I asked if could help them as you do when anxious. They said in unison and in a strange voice like they were talking through something that they would like to speak to me about the miracles. I was so transfixed by them that I forgot myself and I brought them inside. They sat down on this very lounge and I asked them if they would like tea and they said yes. I made the tea and brought out jam fancy biscuits and lamington cakes my mother had left me during the week.

Their faces were smooth and hairless. Their lips looked blue but then they went purple when they moved them. After they had ate and drank, they sat perfectly still looking at me. When they finally began talking to me their strange voices became flat, monotone, dull even, and they spoke like a robot, steady words, like Hemi from Get Smart, if you know what I mean. Who else knows about the miracles? Had the Pope contacted me yet? Which version of the bible did I read? They began to sweat and it looked as though their faces were dripped skin. They became menacing and demanded I tell them what I’d done. They’ve been watching me since the beginning they said. Out of fear I began to tell them what I could remember. I didn’t want to say I didn’t do them in case they got violent. One of them had some strange typewriter on his skinny knees and he was furiously typing my words into it. They were really sweating by now and I noticed their mouths were very wide thin slits. They didn’t move them when they spoke. Then one suddenly got up pulled open his suit and said look at his chest. I looked at it and in the centre was a violet-collared orifice, and then it went indigo, then blue, then green, then yellow, orange, then red, the colours of the rainbow. I was nearly blinded. The collars disappeared and I could see right through his chest! I saw the other man’s face on the other side! He bore a real devilish grin! They asked me if I remembered this face when I spent forty days and forty nights in the desert. I said no. I’ve never been in a desert.

I turned the television on. I don’t know why. I just did. They turned their attention away from me and began looking at it. I think I got a variety show. They asked if this was how I spent my earthly time. This must be where He is, they suddenly exclaimed! Here and now, my Father and their father, the wonderful God, somewhere in there, doing things, causing life, taking it away, choosing people for His purposes, making good, making bad, orchestrating the weather, sponsoring righteous Christian wars against its enemies in His name. They tell me it is He who is soon to uncap a special giant mushroom and bless the cap and make it into a holy house, to cause it to float on an ancient Palestinian lake and for eagles to come to take it to heaven and I’ll be in it, resurrected. They said again in unison for me to tell no-one. If I do, they will come for me and crucify me again. Was I crucified? I can’t remember. They said they have plans for me because I am the One. While they spoke, they seemed to slur their speech like they were running out of power or something. They were saying the word plans over and over again. I thought I heard the words heaven and final judgment, in there as well. Then they got up and went on all fours and they began to violently shake like I said and they walked out my door as wolfhounds.

I’ve no idea who they were.

You say they were church men.

They could’ve been aliens for all I care. They were so weird.  But since my encounter with them I haven’t experienced any more miracles. And I can say to you it’s been a great relief.

Aren’t you afraid they might know you have told me your inner listener about the miracles and come back?

I don’t think they’ll be back.

Why do you think that?

It’s only to you that I’ve told everything. No-one else will hear it. And for all their menace, in retrospect they seemed rather impotent to me. And I don’t believe I will rise again like they say I will.