The Big Cheese vs The Golden Delicious

Notwithstanding their pleasures and their relationships, people must in time suffer the fruits of their unwieldy endeavours; as apples are detached from their trees and fallen to the ground, so times will end when all frivolity is spent. 

It is because of the outrageousness of the majority Golden Delicious, the so-called GD’s, that the Lord Mayer the Big Cheese, the so-called BC, has decided to drive the Golden Delicious out of Hobart, a city where felons and the free had once shared the same streets, food and drink, and every civil liberty available. And the wild reputation of Hobart continues because what the GD’s are doing is just too much. And the Big Cheese is now looking for help from his preferred minority group the self-appointed native Delicious, the so-called D’s.

There is an equation which sits high above the Town Hall’s front entrance etched in stone which reads The BC + The D’s – The GD’s = peace, love and happiness. It’s a simple equation really. And the Big Cheese knows that the answers lie in his doubting the abilities of the local folk.

The Golden Delicious have been revelling in their offensiveness ever since their ancestors arrived in Hobart, and the Big Cheeses of the past have patiently postponed judgment. They were never seen as petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freaks; nor vindictive, bloodthirsty, heretic cleansers, but rather Lord Mayors seen to give a group like the Golden Delicious a chance, just for the sake of maintain order. The Big Cheeses are well known for being slow to anger and for being big enough to forgive. 

But is there not a limit? Indeed, what would the ordinary folk of Hobart say of a Big Cheese who appears to sit silently in the face of GD wickedness? Would they not instinctively ask where the Big Cheese was! Would they not question his goodness, his power, even his existence if he does not come forth to vanquish these sorts of GD evil! Yet whenever the Big Cheese proffers by-laws at council meetings, how the disappointed are quick to find fault in Him by saying how useless this Mayoral heretic cleanser really is! The Big Cheese wins wars but never battles.

The Big Cheese cares deeply for what is regulatory correct. His approval rating being an exegesis in the forces of right thinking and doing, which the local folk needn’t know of, for they are understood by the Big Cheeses past and present to know not what they want. To not critically think, and to be a certain way satisfies the Big Cheese’s hungry ego. The Big Cheese can only be renowned as a great warrior for correct thinking.  And well, there are now many Big Cheeses in this world that whatever goes wrong hasn’t, and what goes right is through blessed ideologies.

In the process of proposing and executing his by-laws against the Golden Delicious, the Big Cheese aims to majority cleanse the town of every vestige of the GD’s debased offensiveness and thus maintain a place of thought through regulation, behavioural purity and vocabulary truth. The Big Cheese’s strategy is to save Hobart from its wicked underbelly, now and forever. 

The Big Cheese’s rescue plan to save Hobart depends the philosophy of pure thinking. This purity is inspired by no less than the Abrahamic religions, and their counterpoint Marxism; a purity which has tastily spread over the past fifty years in many parts of the Western World. The cancer of critical thinking being excised from all folk who have succumbed to it, like the Golden Delicious. Big Cheese has a plan of redemption. Allowing open mindedness merely corrupts Hobart’s fundamental reactions. By purging the city of the evil of majority silence, the Big Cheese will ensure that the intolerance of incorrect points of view will be natural and necessary for the citizens of Hobart.

Characteristically, the Big Cheese does not comprehend individualism, rather he is most comfortable with the minority groups which have the grandest plans. Since the Golden Delicious errs regularly and systematically, with their entire adult population participating in their blasphemous system, the Big Cheese judges the entire group. Women are no less guilty than the men, who are the principal instigators, and their children are also included.

When groups of people err, there are consequences for every member. When America has evil the Big Cheeses who run America’s Righteous Churches bring forth drought, tornadoes, floods and poverty, and adults and children suffer alike, innocent or not. Every act of wrongful thinking unfortunately brings with it collateral damage. For that is the way of righteousness.

Hobart’s Big Cheese is impatient. So now is the time to act. Indeed, he is furious. And with good reason. Even by liberal standards, the Golden Delicious are a particularly nasty bunch. The GD’s culture is grossly immoral, decadent to its roots. Its debauchery dictated primarily by its nervousness that’s tied to all variations of cycles connected with doing and being.

In addition to their doubting, the propaganda against the Golden Delicious encompasses all that which mimics the perverse conduct of their worshipping: the acceptance of nature naturally chaotic. Worst of all, the Golden Delicious practice apple sacrifices. A bronze image of Pomona is set up in a member’s spare bedroom, and which has stretched out cupped hands above a burning cauldron, to burn the apple. The flames quickly burn the apple’s outer flesh, and as the skin shrivels. a queer mouth forms and appears as if to grin and to be laughing, until it is shrunk enough to slip into the cauldron.

There is a directive that when the nest Big Cheese takes control of Hobart the local folk shall make no covenant with the incorrect and show no favour to them. Furthermore, they shall not intermarry with them for they will turn their children away from respecting the Big Cheese and they might even go and serve false Big Cheeses. Then the anger of the rightful Big Cheese will be kindled against transgressors and he will grow in anger and make plans to do something about it. 

And indeed, a plan has been hatched to deal with the Golden Delicious of Hobart.

The native Delicious have stayed indoors for almost a year, while the evidence is gathered against the Golden Delicious. Once the sulphuric clouds over the Zinc Works had lifted the Delicious knew that this is the sign that something is about to happen. In anticipation they have left their homes and made camp down on Pier Number One in the wharf area lighting fires at night as an installation of Dark Mofo, do as to not arouse suspicions among Hobart’s folk. 

The Big Cheese has come down from the Town Hall and spoken to Pip the Delicious leader and told him to send onward strong men who can walk through the streets of Hobart, and look at what’s there and then come back and tell him what they had found; what kind of dissent there is, and what types of apples grew in it, whether they were Golden Delicious, and what kind of people are they who live beside the trees.

And Pip chose out some of high rank among the Delicious, the ruler from each of the tribes, six hundred and sixty-six to be rangers. Some are the Core, who are the confidant of the Pip in supporting Delicious thought, and others the Peel, and still others, the Flesh who, though they come far away up north, are here because they are currently on speaking terms with the south. The 666 then went out, and walked through the streets and alleyways of Hobart and its suburbs, and looked into homes where they suspected the Golden Delicious live. In one place, just before they came back to the camp on the wharf, they cut down an ancient apple tree which was so large it too thirty of the rangers to carry the trunk and branches. They named the place where they found the apple tree Moonah-on-Hobart, which means ‘Ah-The-Moon-Shines-On-Hobart’. The 666 rangers called themselves thought police because they went about like police in deep thought.  And after two weeks, when all the rangers had returned, they burned the tree as a sacrifice.

They had walked all over the streets and alleyways and found Hobart very disturbing. There are a lot of apple trees and grass and strange buildings and streams running down the sides of the hills. And they found that the people who live to be outspoken and fearless toward their motives. Some of them wear street clothes which make them look better that what they really are. This is why they call themselves the Golden Delicious.  Proud and seemingly superior to the Delicious way of thinking.

One of the spies, from the Core, said, "This is all very true, yet the Delicious need not be afraid to go up and take them on. Our cause is a noble cause and well worth arguing for. Big Cheese is on our side, and he will help us overcome the Golden Delicious and then we will own all that is Hobart. For this is secret business.” 

But many spies said in unison "No. There is no use in trying to make argument upon the Golden Delicious. We can never take down those walled minds, and we dare not fight them in a debate.” 

And the rest of the Delicious, who had journeyed from their homes and made camp on the wharf became frightened by the words of the spies, that now, on the very cusp of confronting the GD’s. they dare not do it. They forget the reasons the Big Cheese for calling upon them, that he raised the alarm of the dangers of wrong thinking, that he had given them discounted rates, that he had promised owning not just dreaming, that water would fall from the sky, and that the Mountain above Hobart truly bore summer snow.

All that night, after the spies had brought back their reports, the Delicious were so filled with fear that they could not sleep. They cried out against the Pip, and blamed him for bringing them out of their comfortable homes. 

But the Cores and the Peels, and the Flesh said, "Why should we fear them? The Golden Delicious are frauds for thinking they are the people whose majority rights are for all, and they offend us so. If the Big Cheese is our friend and chief policeman, we can easily conquer the GD’s. Above all things, let us appease the Big Cheese and not disobey him or he and his council will be our enemy instead.

But the Delicious group were so annoyed with the Cores and the Peels and The Flesh that they were ready to do the unthinkable and put them through the Pomona ritual. Then suddenly they saw a strange sight. The glory of the Big Cheese which stayed in the Dining Room in the Town Hall, now flashed out and shone above the roof of the Town Hall and onto the faces of the Delicious huddled together on the wharf.

And through loudspeakers arraigned on the roof the Big Cheese out of this glory spoke to them all saying:

"How long will I have to put up with you lot disobeying me and mocking me with your indecisiveness? You’re gonna have to stay where you are until the GD’s are found and brought to me in ball and chain. All of you people who are over the age of consent shall form a redline and proceed to drive out the hateful GD’s from their homes in the suburbs. You Delicious are not worthy of Hobart that I have been keeping warm you. Now form the line with chain and barbed wire that I have stored in Pier One warehouse and proceed to root out the dangerous Golden Delicious.” 

And the Big Cheese told the Pip so that everyone else could hear that for every day that the spies spend rooting out the GD’s the Delicious should spend a week relearning the list of who not to offend; so that they are reminded of the PC way of speaking to the homogenous.

When some of the Delicious heard these words, they felt worse than before. They changed their minds as quickly as they had made up their minds. "No," they all said; "we will not go back into the suburbs. We will go straight into the playgrounds and see if we are able to tease them out with our words."

"You must not go into the playgrounds," said the Pip, "for you are not fit to go; and the Big Cheese will not go with you. There must be more subtle ways of persuasion. You must go back into the suburbs as a redline, as the Big Cheese commands you to do. “

But this breakaway group of Delicious would not obey. And the next day they rushed into the schools, and tried to chalk the playgrounds with their words, and make the students put in PC computer passwords. But they were without leaders and without order, and the teachers happened to be out on strike; for they were a mob of Delicious who were untrained and in confusion. And the students laughed at them and drove them away with hockey sticks and menacing gym equipment. The Delicious came back to the camp with their tails between their legs.

And all of the Delicious stayed in the camp on the wharf for a great time. For so long in fact, that they were invited by the Mona organisers to be an official installation on the wharf.   

It was not a strange thing that the Delicious should act autistic, eager to go forward one day, and then eager to go backwards the next. Through many years they had been coerced by the Big Cheese; and their hard lot as convict like individuals had made them unfit to care about their own thoughts. They were still in heart slavish and weak. The Pip saw that they needed to turn away from the philosophy of the free life of the wilderness which is still strong in Hobart. Their children, yet to grow up as correct thinkers and be trained to be overbearing, would be better fitted to win the land of a good promise if they were better sheltered. And after they had seen out their time as a Mona installation the Delicious went back home and waited for the Big Cheese to forgive them and again to call on them to do the work of dumbing down the minds of the Golden Delicious.