Porphyry Pearl - a satire

Arkle Thongsocket reckons he's a future Prime Minister

Of this Aussie style democracy in need of much direction

And to win more votes he set himself forth in avid campaign

To get amongst the ordinary folk, in his outer suburban way

Arguing for those illegals to get to the back of the line

And his inaugural policy speech sparkles like porphyry pearl:

 

"You refugees, who think you'll find us compliant and understanding

Think again my smuggling disguises, think rather of your homeland

We've enough exotic takeaways to satisfy our discerning palates

And soccer is a flickering flame in this burnt out, lucky country

Line dancing is our national dance, much simpler than those dervishes

And the cult family of the Kettle's has long left these lonely shores

We've got some indigenous; we'll be giving them a go

And there's enough talent around to flavour the Bert Newton Show

I'm telling you to go away, beware of the angry Arkle

I've got the big man on the radio to back my alarmist case

If you can't swear, scull a schooner or take a bet on the nags

Then you're no Aussie; I bet you couldn't even get a chick

To go with your mates behind the Memorial Hall shed

And what about you madam, could you do a great pavlova?

No my friends, this isn't the time to upset the apple cart

And 'scuse the language, (whispers) but I bet they don't even fart

I'm not trying to inflame you, these ain't no derogatory remarks

I just want us to be happy together in this great and humungous land

I love a sunburnt country, with its dead trees and open plains

I love the salt that crinkles on my skin, wherever I might go

I love the footy, and the way we strive to keep those bastards honest

I love TV and I love youse all (apologies to Jeffy Fenech)

 

A vote for me is a vote for you and all who love it here

Things ‘ave gotta get simple, to get us over this fear

I'm not saying we shoot em up, or drown em or anything like that

We'll keep em out, us fringe dwellers living on the edge of the sea

All joined together along the coast of this vastly, great country

It'll be an effort to get some over to the Great Aussie Bight

But patriotism has a way of bringing out the best in all of us

We’ll have a lottery, the winners getting the juicy blocks

And we'll all have a gun and a dog, but only if need be

What about Tassie you ask, (laughs) as if they'd find the place

No my friends a quarter acre joined like Celtic runes

Should make it clear Aussieland isn't to be taken for granted

We'll have our flag flying high enough for all these buggers to see

Our laden hills hoists twirling in the summer breeze

That’ll be the flag mast that'll signify a friendly ship

We've got to be united, none of this divided crap

Aussieland, Aussieland, oi oi oi, must be chanted in our sleep

Let the world know we don't know that horrible word defeat

That's all I have to say, God bless you, and have a bloody nice day."